Keeping Our Committments

What have you committed to?

 

Hi all

I am sorry for not keeping up with the blog. It has been quite a journey the past few months. What I have learnt over the past couple of months is that we don’t always get to keep our commitments. My view is that most of us do the best we can with the resources and limited information we have. Despite our best efforts, we sometimes don’t keep all our commitments. So what do we do when that happens?

Just make a new commitment. It is pointless for us to keep beating ourselves over the head for missing a commitment. It is part of life. Sometimes we drop the ball. What I have rediscovered over the past couple of weeks is that instead of making ourselves wrong, just make a new commitment.

Life has a way of giving us what we need, not necessarily what we want. So when circumstances and ‘fate’ conspire to make us miss or break a commitment, it is an opportunity for self-reflection. We get the opportunity to review why we dropped the ball and what we can improve on. This is more productive and serves us better.

One caveat is that we do not take missing or breaking commitments lightly. We must always strive and do our best to keep the commitments that we make. Ultimately, when we keep most of our commitments, it will show up in our lives. When we keep missing commitments, life has a way of showing that to us too.

On that note, I renew my commitment to keep this blog alive. I would not commit to fixed schedule as it would not be appropriate at this time. I have other more pressing commitments at the moment.

Thank you for reading and do drop me a note if you have comments.

With heart
Lionel Koh

 

Who are your angels?

Just like children, we all have angels looking over us. Sometimes they are in disguise.

I am sorry for not writing more often in the past few months. I will attempt to keep up with writing amidst all that is happening in my life at the moment.

When things get rough and challenging, it is really easy to lose hope, get frustrated and close up. Many times we face the prospect of things looking very gloomy. It is during these times that we have a chance to practice real gratitude.

During times of extreme pressure when the situation looks really hopeless, it is a great challenge to always look on the positive side. More often then not we are paralysed by fear, anxiety, frustration or sometimes sadness. One way out of such a funk is to remember to be and practice being grateful.

Gratitude is to look at everything and be thankful that you still draw breath. As my teacher Stephen likes to say, “meet life with an ‘Ah-Yes!’”. Many times we have many angels looking over us and many times these angels are in disguise. They provide us a subtle helping hand that we hardly notice. These “silent and invisible angels” are blessings that we should take note of as they help us to maintain the energy of living a life of gratitude.

From my own experience, it is these angels that provide the breath of fresh air and relief when the walls are closing in and allow us to continue saying “Ah-Yes!” to life.  And when we are grateful for these angels, no matter how insignificant we feel they are, we will find more angels coming our way.

Whatever the challenge, whatever the situation, keep moving forward and focus on the blessings that you have. Keep doing that and you may realise that you have more angels looking over you than you ever knew.

So who are your angels?

With heart
Lionel Koh

 

Taming the monkey mind

It is the space between thoughts that miracles happen

I was just reading an interview by The New York Times with Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kwan Yew . In it he was reflecting on his years as Singapore’s Prime Minister and his current practice of doing meditation each day. He was quoted as saying, ““The problem is to keep the monkey mind from running off into all kinds of thoughts”.

Even someone with as formidable a mind as Singapore’s elder statesman understands the need for quite contemplation and for calming the mind. Our mind (or ego) is a very useful tool but if left to run our lives, it would lead us to destruction.

I was having a chat with some friends the other day and they spoke about suppressing the ego. My take on the matter is that we cannot and should not seek to suppress the ego. We have to understand, recognise and acknowledge that it is there. It will always be there. The important thing is that we allow it to express what it wants to express and then make a decision whether to follow that train of thought.

That is the irony of it all. The mind is part of us – a very important part at that. We cannot make it go away or suppress it. Attempts to do so will only result in failure and more pain and suffering. All communication that is not fully expressed or received will be held in the body as some form of ‘stuck’ energy that festers and sap our energy and life-force.

Throughout the centuries, countless people have taken up meditation or some form of practice to tame their minds. Many fail, even after years of practice, because the mind knows every trick and weakness that we have and without proper support (or accountability) the mind will make us give up.

There are many processes and practices that help to tame the mind. One of the more successful ones are Intensives such as The Opening, where many participants get real clarity and calmness in a matter of days. The process allows the ego to be heard and make it possible for a calmness to take over. It is in this space of calmness that many insights and learnings take place.

This is the space between thoughts that many leaders and thinkers over the years alluded to when asked where they get their inspiration. So to achieve the life and success that you desire, watch your thought and tame that monkey mind.

With heart and love
Lionel Koh

 

What is your inner voice telling you?

What thoughts do you constantly entertain?

How many times have we not done something we truly wanted because we told ourselves to “be realistic”? How many times did we not take the step to correct a wrong situation because of pride? If you said not once, you are probably lying.

We all have an inner voice that constantly bombard us with messages. Don’t do this, Don’t do that. What if you fail? Will I look stupid?

This is all part of our living from fear. We will likely never be totally free from fear. It is all part of being human. The question is: Do we let fear paralyse us? In the animal world, fear can paralyse a prey when it sees its predator coming for it. This is also what happens to many people when they get hit with something unexpected, whether in their relationships, work, play or money. This paralysis can become the stumbling block for many and prevent them from living the lives they dream about.

One way to overcome this fear is to face it head-on. To do that, we have to constantly practice living on the edge of that fear. We need to feel the fear fully, accept that it is there, and then act anyway.

What does your inner voice constantly tell you? Is your inner voice serving your highest good and growth or does it hold you back? The thoughts that you give precedence to and those that you choose to entertain will determine the default mode of this inner voice.

If we constantly entertain positive and empowering thoughts and images, it becomes the default programming and a habit. However, if we have always been used to living in fear and had dis-empowering thoughts, understand that “thinking positive” may be a tough journey by the sheer momentum of our previous ways of thinking.

Even if we manage to become proficient in positive and empowering thinking, there is always the possibility that negativity may come back and sometimes in very subtle ways. The only two solutions are to constantly monitor your thoughts and to find a group of people that will support you in this endeavour.

So what is your inner voice telling you to do today? Are you going to let it run your life?

With heart and love

Lionel Koh

 

Become a lake

When you are in pain, become a lake.

The following story speaks about the perspective we take in our lives. What do you do when you are faced with challenges in life? What do you say to yourself and what do you focus on?

Usually when we have not achieved our goals, it is due to our capacity. Once we grow our capacity, our goals become easier. The story below illustrates the point perfectly. Let me know what you think.

With heart and love
Lionel Koh

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An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining and so, one morning, sent him for some salt.

When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

“How does it taste?” the master asked.

“Bitter,” spit the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man, who so reminded him of himself, and took his hands, offering:

“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things . . . Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

by: Unknown Author.

 

No such thing as “no faith”

Do you have faith that you can fly? Picture source: www.sxc.hu

There is no such thing as no faith. When someone says you have no faith, it mean that you do not believe that something will or can happen. This does not mean you have no faith. You just have faith that it will not happen.

The crux of the matter is that we either have faith in good things happening or faith in bad things happening. Most of the masses hope for good things to happen but expect bad things to happen, and they are surprised when bad things do happen.

Edward Teller says it best: “When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”

Do you have faith that either one of the two will happen? Or do you constantly fear that you will fall. Start to question yourself if you keep focusing on why something cannot happen instead of thinking of ways on how it can happen.

One hundred years ago Man couldn’t fly, couldn’t talk to people more than 100 metres away without some form of signal system and would not have been able to catch what is going on in other parts of the world.

Today, we can Facebook, Twitter, blog, email, call or text message our friends and relatives without even having to leave our homes. Besides flying, we have put Man on the moon. Live satellite feed enables us to watch sporting and world events as they unfold minute by minute.

The common thread in all of these inventions is the faith by the inventors that they would find the answers and solutions to their challenges. Obviously they had moments and periods of doubt but they all persevered, and the world is better for it.

It is normal to have periods where you doubt whether you can achieve your goals. That discomfort (to put it mildly) can be turned into motivation to move you towards your goals if you do not allow yourself to get caught in your story and the drama of your setbacks. It just means you have to readjust, dust off the dirt and keep moving forward.

So what do you have faith in? Are you a perpetual optimist or pessimist or, as most people like to believe they are, a pragmatist? Let me know your thoughts below.

With heart and love
Lionel Koh

P.S. Come and find out how much faith you have in yourself by taking a journey of self-discovery. Visit www.settingheartsfree.com

 

What do you stand for?

What is your flag? Picture source: www.sxc.hu

Malcolm X said: “If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” This is especially true in life and business. When you do not know who you are and what is important to you, the tendency is to just drift along in life not knowing where you are headed.

How do you know what you stand for? Or more simply, “What do you value in life?” The answer is all around you. Just look around in your life and surroundings and all that you value is plain to see. The environment
you have created for yourself clearly shows you what you value and what you are committed to. You create your own reality.

The most scary part of this is that it is insidious. You make small and seemingly insignificant decisions and exceptions to your promises and principles. If you do not have a coherent philosophy or value that you live by, you will not have a flag and guidepost to bring you back on track. And before you know it, years have passed and you wonder how you got to be so overweight, in debt, angry, disillusioned…add your own mid-life crisis here.

So what can we do about it? Stop for a moment and take a look around your environment. What do you see? What is in your home, your work environment, your car, even your children’s room. Take a very close look at your environment to see what you are creating. Do it at your office next time you get a chance and really look around to see if this is what serves you and everyone else best.

When you slow down and take note of what is going on around you, ask if what you are creating is serving you and those around you. If yes, keep at it. If not, ask yourself what can you do to change it (if you want to change it). Then go out and find close friends and associates who will support you through the challenges as you make those changes.

This should be an on-going and never-ending process. As soon as you believe you have reached the goal line, you start to get complacent and you may find yourself back at where you started. So be bold and take that first step. After that, get support and it gets easier as you make this a habit.

Let me know what you think.

With heart and love
Lionel Koh

 

Staying grounded amidst a maelstrom

How many times have you come across in your life where you felt like everything is going downhill? How many times have you felt that things cannot get any worse and they do? Well, you are not alone.

Many of us face all sorts of problems and challenges in our lives. The question is how we deal with them. It is very easy for us to get caught in a downward spiral of emotions and continue to mope around. Sometimes, it feels easier to avoid the problem altogether and hope they go away. They never do.

So what do you do to stay grounded and sane when everything seems to go against you? The first and most important thing, in my experience, is to breathe. Yes, you read it right – breathe!

In many spiritual philosophies, breath is the most often used tool to get present. By focusing on deep breathing, you can think of no other things. And usually after you are done, you feel fresher. Granted, your challenges will still be there but at least you manage to stem (even for a little while) all the negative thoughts and feelings about your situation.

Secondly, accept your situation. Yes, simple as it sounds this seems to be one of the most difficult things to do. You may have been the major cause of your current situation and once you take responsibility for it, you can then start to work on finding solutions. As long as you are stuck in finding a scapegoat for your challenges, then your energy will not be challenged to finding solutions. Accepting your situation also doesn’t mean you leave everything to fate.

Thirdly, get help. Einstein once said that one cannot find solutions to problems with the same mind that create them. Seek out professional help or speak to people who have gone through situations similar to which you are currently facing. Nothing is a better teacher than experience so seek out those with experience and when they do ask blunt questions, do not start to defend why you got into the situation in the first place. They are there to help you find solutions, and sometimes that means revisiting your past and current behavioural patterns.

Fourthly, get support. Go out and talk to friends and family members that support you. Now, this should not turn into a bitching session where you compare notes on how much more challenging your situation is compared to others. This only creates negativity and defeats the purpose of finding support. Seek out only those who will help you get out of your situation, whether it is to help you stick to a plan, giving you encouragement or even taking action together with you.

Finally, pray! No matter what spiritual path you choose or even if you don’t believe in a higher power, prayer helps to calm you. We all pray in one form or another, even those who do not believe in a higher power. Prayer with sincerity will help you find a source of strength and in many cases reassure you that you are not alone in your challenges.

Now, what happens if you do all the above steps and you are still stuck in your situation? Well, my experience is to repeat all those steps and refine the execution as you go. There is no silver bullet to life’s challenges. We are all on different paths and may require different solutions. Don’t lose hope and faith.

I leave you with a quote by Edward Teller: “When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”

With heart
Lionel Koh

P.S. I am sorry for being out of action for so long. I am doing my best to restart this commitment to update my blog.

 

The Opening of Minds and Hearts

Is the opening of your heart or your mind more important? Which is more critical to your success in life and for inviting prosperity and riches into your life? Does the saying “Keep an open mind” speak to you or does “Follow your heart” call to you stronger. My guess is it is the former.

Many people believe that their minds (i.e. their thought) are what make them who they are. However, we were born into this world without thoughts only feelings. That being the case, it could be said that the essence of who we truly are does not lie in our thoughts and mind but our feelings and heart. Granted, the mind is a great servant – a tool which we can use and harness its power to bring about all our dreams and goals. However, if left to rule, the mind will inevitably take you down to a road where you are trapped by your own thoughts.

Getting in touch with our hearts is an important step in which to build our success upon. It is a guide which is seldom wrong. By all means, use your mind to analyse the roadblocks ahead but follow your heart. If it feels right – Go for it!

There are two quotes which illustrate the importance of following one’s heart. “Life is a journey of the heart that requires the mind, NOT the other way around.” and ““The longest journey a man must take is the eighteen inches from his head to his heart.”

A good friend and teacher is doing great work to open hearts and set people free. Check him out at http://www.settingheartsfree.com.

With heart
Lionel Koh

 

The Truth of Success and Happiness

What is the truth behind success and happiness? Is it knowledge? Is it skills? Is it belief? All these are important, but there is one thing that goes to the core of what success is. It is the Truth of yourself. Most specifically, knowing the truth of who you are.

When everything in your life is taken away from you, there is only one thing left – yourself. By knowing who you truly are and who you are born to be, you will be able to find a deep strength that you can tap into whenever you are faced with challenges, unsure of you next step or simply down.

Howard Thurman said it very well: “There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.”

Who do you listen to? What do you tell yourself? What is it about you that others see? What does your relationship with the world tells others about you? All these questions can be answered…if you dare to take the step to find out your true self.

Let me know what you think. Please drop me your comments.

With heart and love
Lionel Koh